This page is dedicated to publishing self-reports of a handful of my Pure Consciousness Experiences and Excellence Experiences - all of which happened spontaneously. 1
March 5, 2025
The most salient of the precipitating factors was in fact what I wrote on 1st of March,
SRID on March 1st: [..] allowing myself to get as close (aka. intimate; cf. link) to people, things *and* events (*as they happen now*, rather than anytime/anywhere else).
The key here being ‘get as close’ to this moment as possible which initially allowed me to pull my head out of the habitual sand (as it were), and thus become more interested in being here where this moment is happening.
The other precipitating factor was an intermittently ongoing contemplation of Death (which contemplation had long segued from my past considerations of ‘euthanasia’). Basically, I considered death as in oblivion - the end of consciousness (as in: life after my death, which is non-existence). From that ‘clean slate’ of non-existence (no consciousness whatsoever; ‘clean’ of all ‘my’ problems), I looked at how life was patently happening right here in front of my eyes - and the very fact that I’m even alive (rather than dead) became an exuberant delight … because, for the moment, all of ‘my’ problems had just taken a back seat (inasmuch as they are irrelevant to oblivion), and therefore what’s unfolding right in front of me is ‘fresh’ – sans the staleness of ‘me’ – and can now freely be partaken on with appreciation (inasmuch as the non-existence of death makes it all even more worthy).
These two perspectives/intentions were ‘brewing’ as they were in the background, and then that experience happened (naturally, in hindsight).
I put on my headphones listening to music, as usual, before stepping outside the café to walk home. At an intersection, I waited for about 1-2 mins for the crosswalk signal to change; then proceeded across to walk on the opposite side of the street. The experience happened here.
About a couple seconds earlier the experienced happened, I was gently contemplating along the lines of Being the doing of what is happening … not just contemplating but actually curiously trying to revivify it in that very moment that was happening. And then the experience happened (unexpectedly). For the next few days, I established a good sense of ‘golden clew’ from the experience, for life was quite good during days ….
Suddenly 2 , instead of being a puny self living a ‘meh’ life, there is this ongoing “experiencing” (which is all-encompassing) by this organic body (which itself is the universe in action, and thus reflexively part of that experience; which reflexivity is wondrous!) living this moment that is happening now (“my” problems were no more). It is a mildly rainy, wet and overcast day (just above 2c temp) - and instead of being more of ‘me’ driving this body (with whatever modicum of habitual resentment/ boredom), it felt very close to apperceptive awareness in that I was thoroughly ‘experiencing’ cutting-edge living as this organic being. Upon first experiencing this, I felt a bit of shock along with goose-pump like excitement, bordering on having panic attack (there was no “lynchpin”, aside from the diminished sense of ‘me’, to keep it all in place; so, in hindsight, I think this was fear) – I was wondering if I would end up in an emergency hospital – but awareness of the nature of what was happening relieved the shock/panic aspect.
While it may have started as PCE, the experience short after was not a PCE. Amidst this (near-apperceptive?) experience, “I” was so diminished but not in abeyance. I found that I enjoyed and appreciated that experience; in fact, the very ‘experiencing’ is the enjoyment and appreciation in action. Moreover, the hitherto solid “I” (with “his” various problems) was not there - just very receded in the background sufficiently enough to (I suppose?) derive a ‘clew’ to how to go about it once back to normal. In contrast to this free ongoing “experiencing” (I can see how the ‘naive beer’ stuff can be very close here!), I realized that living life as the usual “me” is absolutely bollocks and suboptimal in comparison. As the experience was withering off (but not completely gone away), the first thing I noticed (as “I” was becoming more solid) was the intuition that “I” am indeed a fraud/ interloper. Far from fretting it, however, I figured that the best course of action is to pay attention, and give way (from being ‘me’ as I’ve known) towards this ‘experiencing’ … gently.
I completely forgot about walking home, and instead strolled aimlessly to a nearby mall, checking the stores and their contents with interest, while rememorating this experience (rather successfully). I had a very pleasant demeanour (opposite of ‘poker face’) that was unforced, and even my gait became the opposite of the habitual controlled rigidity (consequently it felt very good to walk). Part of the demeanour change involved losing that ‘intense focus’ intuition in between the eyes (which connotes seriousness, and evokes the habitual poker face, the female version of which is called ‘resting bitch face’) … the controller no longer controlled the facial muscles, I suppose. I next visit the grocery store, even though I had no plans to buy anything for today. There, I found myself transfixed at the various products (European processed meats, exotic seafood, etc.), with no sense of urgency to move on (I think at one point I must have been standing by the foie gras aisle for a good 5 minutes, trying to figure out how to utilize this new food element in my keto meals). The mind functioned so freely. “I” was there, but “my” problems were absent, except for this vague sense of being an interloper.
Dec 5, 2021
Music: Voodoo Warriors of Love - Sweat
Ear drums are revelling and reverberating with a concomitant (unintended) act of ‘arriving here’ 3 - notably (idiosyncratic to me) in the visual field (that familiar ever-present sense of “me” being present in between the eyes has now dissolved, enough to be arriving ‘here’ 3 where this living room is silently located).
All of “my” (tacit, ‘normal’) problems took a backseat, and I am … just here. The near-constant (considered-to-be-normal) agitation of ‘me’ has given way to uncovering the ever-present (but hitherto hidden-to-consciousness) stillness of this yellow-lit room.
I could be like this forever.
‘Microsoft PCE’
A report of a Pure Consciousness Experience I had back in 2008 or 2009 while working for Microsoft in Vancouver
tldr; despite doing the most boring job imaginable, I slipped into a state of mind where I thoroughly enjoyed the “mental machinery” behind the very activity of the so-called boring work. There was also sensuosity, particularly in the visual and tactile field.
Being a ‘Software Test Engineer’ in the Windows Vista team, I was sitting in the Richmond office close to 5pm, working on C++ tests - which at that time was the most boring thing I could be doing that I hated it! Then, somehow, my mind without any prompt 4 ‘slipped’ into higher-gears 5 of some sort where everything started functioning smoothly. This so-called menial task had became a neutral ‘mental activity’ 5 and my awareness of it took a magical turn … in that, I started appreciating the various nooks and crannies of ‘the brain in operation’. At this meta level, the interest-level of the task did not matter - because the very fact that the brain is working on it in its intricate levels was so wonderful to observe. I was able to work on the task most effectively, and while enjoying it thoroughly, with a complete 360 degrees awareness of it as it was happening (and there was a total immediacy, unlike the traditional modality of ‘me’ being ‘up there somewhere’ lost in some semi-fancy despite being physically located here).
I noticed that my visual acuity and perception increased at the same time. The yellow-lit ambiance of the office in the evening took a brilliant character such that I enjoyed basking in it. Then the time came to take the shuttle bus (Microsoft’s service, running at periodic times) to go back home. At this point my PCE subsided, presumably due to people around.
Once I’m back home in my apartment, I decided to wash my face in the bathroom sink. The PCE resumed, and I felt it during splashing that water in my face - the sensations (the feeling of touch, the warmth of the soapy water, and the suffusing amber of the bathroom) were intense, delightful and being experienced with a thoroughness unlike before. I go back to my room to sit on my Poang chair. This time, instead of starting Age of Empires 3 (as I normally do that time), I decided to just sit and do nothing for no reason in particular. I remember sitting there doing nothing for about an hour, just enjoying being alive - and the visual ambiance of my room (equally yellow-lit).
Peter’s report
Here’s Peter (who at that time worked as a civil architect) reporting a very similar experience:
Late one night in my first year as an actualist, as I was working on the drawing board, I had a pure conscious experience whereby my mind became aware of itself working. There was apperception happening in that there was no ‘me’ being aware – there was simply the brain being aware of the brain in operation, in this case doing the task of designing a house. The process that was happening was fascinating to observe – there was a continual consideration of the parameters that governed the design: the client’s requirements, past experience, site considerations, planning and building regulations, structural considerations, climate considerations, budget, ease of building, appearance, durability, workability and so on.
There was a repeated shuffling of ideas and information operating – a trial and error process of working out the best solution – and it was magical to observe, even more so because there was awareness of only part of the process that was going on, there was a good deal happening ‘on the back burner’ as it were. Sometimes a particular issue was set aside for a while whilst another issue was addressed and when I returned to it later the best solution came instantaneously which made it apparent that there was an awareness only of the surface activity of the brain in action.
The operation of the human brain is such an exquisite intricacy as to be truly wondrous. With no ‘I’ in the road to agonize over the process, nor a ‘me’ present to either exalt or despair at the outcome, there was simply the brain doing what the brain does – think, plan, reflect, evaluate, compare, compute, assess and mull over, as well as simultaneously being aware that this is what it is doing. And not only that, whilst the brain is being apperceptively aware, it is also serving as the central processing unit for the sensory perceptive system of the body – continually processing the myriad of sensate information that is this flesh and blood body’s sensual sensitivity to whatever is happening in this moment.