Filial duty

R: What is the nature of the loyalty to these two human beings who just happen to be your biological progenitors?

Q(2): That they took care of me … in a way that I can be thankful to them about.

R: So is there a debt? I am the genetic parent of four human beings – and they do not owe me anything. If I need help in my old age, there are hospitals, social workers and so on. And if I would need emotional support – which I do not – then if I had not made friends of my own age and ilk who could come and stand by my bedside, then what manner of a person am I? To impose the burden of support upon my ‘children’ is abominable. There is something wrong with me in that I am dependent upon family loyalties – kinship – for my salvation. Yet it was I who decided to bring them into the world … why would they owe me anything? They do not.

R: It is so delicious to be freed from those family ties, family loyalties – to be finally able to meet this other human being who was your ‘father’, who was your ‘mother’, who was your ‘brother’, who was your ‘sister’, who was your ‘son’, who was your ‘daughter’, who was your ‘aunt’, who was your ‘uncle’ and so on. To be able to see them as a fellow human being … as I see you or you see Q(1) … or you can see me. It is then a case of: ‘Hi! Is it not great to be alive? How are you going? What have you discovered? I have discovered this – or that – whatever’. This is freedom indeed … and this freedom is fantastic.

RESPONDENT: When I originally told my mom, she was ecstatic, and if I were to tell her that I changed my mind, I fear that I would cause harm, which goes against being ‘harmless.’

RICHARD: What the word ‘harmless’ refers to, on both The Actual Freedom Trust web site and mailing list, is being sans malice – just as being happy refers to being without sorrow – thus provided there be no malice generating/driving/motivating one’s thoughts, words, or actions, being no longer capable of fulfilling a previously made pledge can in no way be going against being harmless.

None of this is to deny that another’s feelings may, and can be, self-induced to feel hurt as a result … the simple fact of the matter is that if they choose to harbour such feelings that is their business.

Put simply: one does not become either actually or virtually free of the human condition just to be guided by and/or run by other people’s feelings

RESPONDENT: Is this fear part of the social conditioning package?

RICHARD: Aye … many years ago the identity inhabiting this body was conversing with ‘his’ then mother-in-law, painstakingly explaining why’ he’ was no longer able to do something – something which eludes memory nowadays – and was both surprised and pleased to hear the following words ‘he’ spoke in response to her reproachful ‘oh, you have hurt my feelings’ (manipulative) reply to ‘his’ carefully explicated account:

• ‘Then why carry [harbour/ nurse] such feelings … surely you leave yourself open to all manner of hurt by doing so?’

Needless is it to add that ‘he’ was to ask himself that very question on many an occasion from that day forwards?

RICHARD: Incidentally, and also given you said you are now not sure what your agenda is, does living with your parents whilst pursuing just the masters in physics (instead of the previously intended PhD) have anything to do with the convenience of ready-made board and lodging – aka the basic necessities of life – just as currently living in a monastery does?

RESPONDENT: I won’t move back until I’m done with the masters, and living in the monastery right now isn’t really like how most people live in monasteries. I’m in my office at university all day (besides for surfing) and then I just go back to the monastery to sleep. So, moving back to my parents’ would be more convenient, but this wasn’t ever a big issue for me, because I’ve been on my own (necessities-wise) for 5 years and I do enjoy the independence. So this is minor compared to the aforementioned issue of benefiting my parents.

RICHARD: In which case, then, that brings it all back to the issue of filial/ tribal duty … because otherwise it would matter not whom you move in with (along with the intention of automatically leading to an alleviation of their emotional issues by practicing the actualism method in order to change yourself and yourself only).

In other words, why not move in with Mr./Ms. Smith, of High Street, Any-Town with that intention?

CO-RESPONDENT: Actually I was blessed with two good parents. They gave me a reasonably quiet, secure, warm, and loving home and a lot of freedom to be myself.

RICHARD: Not all parents comprehend that what their function is, essentially, is to instead prepare their offspring well for adulthood.

Links to this page
  • Social Identity
    The term ‘social identity’ is also inclusive of a familial identity (identifying as ‘son’/ ‘daughter’, ‘brother’/ ‘sister’, ‘father’/ ‘mother’, ‘uncle’/ ‘aunt’, and the whole raft of relatives).