Sexual Desire

VINEETO: The desire for sex is a complex issue in that it is both socially conditioned and instinctually ingrained. Instinctually the male seeks to spread his semen as far and wide as possible whereas the female looks for a strong, faithful and controllable partner to raise the offspring. Both on the social and on the instinctual level, this programming is responsible for the systemic misunderstanding, disappointment and dissatisfaction between the genders. Because the instinctual sexual drives are accompanied by powerful chemical processes in the brain, the battle between the sexes is so endemic.

At first it is difficult to observe these instinctual passions while they are happening but the more you neither repress nor express your emotions and passions and simply observe and examine your feelings, you’ll slowly get the hang of it – they are, after all, feelings and can be observed, labelled and explored as such. Finding out about one’s sexual social role conditioning as well as one’s sexual instinctual drive is a fascinating business once you learn not to act on the impulse but sit with the experience and milk it for all the information about ‘you’ that you can.

You might also find some useful information in Peter’s Journal, Chapters ‘Sex’ and 1 ‘A Bit of Vineeto’ and in the 2 The Actual Freedom Trust Library.

VINEETO: I am asking because when I investigated my expectations and desires that I knew by past experience would inevitably lead to disappointment and sorrow, I was then able to chuck both my expectation and disappointment, both my desire and sorrow out the window. And once I stopped doing what caused me to feel sorrowful, then the fear of this sorrow re-occurring also disappeared. Given that my aim was to become free of malice and sorrow, it became obvious to me that I also had to become free from the dreams, hopes, desires and greed that were the cause of my sorrow.

RESPONDENT: How did you handle the instinctual desire of sex/lust? Isn’t it very lucrative? How can you let go of that?

PETER: Well, in hindsight it was very easy to ‘let go of’. The only thing that is needed is to experience the dark side of the sexual predatory instinct – as in allow oneself to uninhibitedly feel the full range of feelings and deep-seated emotions associated with the sexual predatory instinct – and that experience itself was enough for me to want to let go of it as though it were a hot brick I was holding in the palm of my hand, as it were.

Links to this page
  • Harmlessness

    I remember well the first evening when I looked at Peter and saw him as just another human being – not as a partner, a mate, a member of the other gender, a lover, a sexual object, a valuable addition to my circle of friends, and not as someone who would approve or disapprove of me – simple another fellow human being. Suddenly the separation I felt was gone and there was a delicious intimacy, as ‘I’ was no longer attempting to force him to fit into ‘my’ world.

  • Extended Intimacy

    To say ‘she’ was astounded with the degree of intimacy having ensued is to put it mildly as ‘her’ first descriptive words were about how ‘she’ would never have considered it possible to be as intimate as this particular way of being – an intimacy of such near-innocence as to have previously only ever been possible privately with ‘her’ sexual partner in very special moments – when in a social setting as one of a number of persons partaking of coffee and snacks in a sitting room situation. Intuitively seizing the vital opportunity such intimate experiencing offered ‘she’ took over from me and commenced interacting intensively in my stead – notably now a one-on-one feeling-being interchange – and within a relatively short while feeling-being ‘Grace’ was experiencing life in the same, or very similar, manner as feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ (hence that 4th of December 2009 report of mine about how these intimacy experiences are potentially contagious, so to speak, for other sincere actualists as the atmosphere generated affectively-psychically can propagate a flow-on effect).

    [Editor’s note: “Extended Intimacy” is Srid’s terminology – derived from Richard Dawkins’ concept “Extended Phenotype”, so as to highlight the fact that intimacy, that is usually reserved for one’s … umm … “intimate partners” (marital, romantic, sexual, etc.), can in fact be extended (albeit taking the other bifurcation at the third stage) to any and all persons – to precisely refer to what is being quoted here, and is not a term utilized by the Actual Freedom Trust. This page is to be read immediately following Grace’s scale of different ways of being for context.]

  • Being the doing of what is happening

    I do that by neither dramatising the fear nor pushing it away, by seeing it more as a by-product of this strange thing I am doing. I don’t ‘support’ a panic-attack by embroidering it, and neither do I let myself be numb, bored or dull. Then, by quietly noticing what is happening, without attaching any identity to an ‘observer’, apperception happens – with some rumbling going on in the background – while I get on with the pleasures of being here, be they food, sex, a walk into town, playing with the web-site, interaction with other people, going to work or watching television. And by ‘my’ stepping out of the way I am doing what is happening, any rumbling or grinding in the background included.

    R: Ripples of pleasure throughout your entire body. From the tips of your toes to the top of your head. The sheer pleasure of being alive, of being here doing this business of living this moment. Does it seem like it does away with the need to have a sexual orgasm?

  • Basic Resentment

    The ‘unjust punishment’ component (or some such similar ‘unfair’ and/or ‘inequitable’ grievance) stems from an inchoate primeval feeling of having been somehow disenfranchised from a fabulous pre-historic ‘golden age’ (e.g., the ‘Garden of Eden’ theme) posited, via variations of a ‘Status Gratiae’ style supposition, upon a numinous/ pre-sinful ‘innocence’ – or even from similarly fabulated prepubescent ‘golden years’ (e.g., the ‘Glimpses of a Golden Childhood’ theme) posited, via variations of a ‘Tabula Rasa’ style supposition, upon a juvenile/ pre-sexual ‘innocence’ – which presupposes there really is a lost ‘innocence’ to be regained.